"It's been a long day without you, my friend
And I'll tell you all about it when I see you again
We've come a long way from where we began
Oh, I'll tell you all about it when I see you again
When I see you again"
-See You Again -Wiz Khalifa
It's been a long time, since I have felt safe. Life just does not get easier. With each human interaction, with each passing moment, life just feels less important and fake. Watching people lie and cheat their way through life. Hate and disgust fills me up like an oil spilt in the Gulf.
I watched everything I want slip away because other people want to do their own thing instead of work together. I have been told, "do not stress over the uncontrollable," but I must admit I struggle with this. Actions and decisions other make affect me, and my goals.
I once knew this guy who unintentionally (allegedly) would always end up destroying my goals, he was a good man (I want to believe), but did not know who he wanted to be or what he wanted. I hold no grudge, or bad blood, but I do wish I got what I wanted, when I wanted.
I have some abilities, one of which is the ability to truly understand what I want. I am picky, only because I am willingly to work for what I want. I learned at a young age, nothing is free, you always have to work for anything you want in life. So, everyday I wake up and work hard. Do I have days I want to quit? Maybe, but that's not a thought that crosses my mind for more than a minute. I treat each day as a blessing, a day I can spend the way I want it, cause I work that hard everyday. Alas, all is lost, and in vain. I wanted you, and that is all, just to spend my life with that one person who makes me happy and gives me meaning. Unfortunately, I am yet to meet you. I'll keep working hard, till I find you, and then we can live that life together.
Second ability I have, is to completely be a punching bag. When I was young I felt alone, and wished for someone to understand me, to care and maybe, just maybe love me. So growing up, I heard, "treat people the way you want to be treated." Thus I learned more about empathy.
I have zero empathy for people who blame others and play victim. I do not, can not and will not try to empathize with people who refuse to help themselves. I suppose this is a major reason people think I lack enpathy.
I however will always be there for people in need. It doesn't matter if it's a conn, or if they are too proud to admit it. I am here for people who need it.
If you have a problem, I will be there any timeof the day or night. I will sit and listen, and be whatever you need. I'll be your punching bag. But do not for one second think I am a push over. Just because, I forgive what you do in your moments of weakness, does not mean I am weak.
I have forgiven many people who have done me wrong, I am always there for people, even those who have done me wrong.
I am not the "smartest" person, but God help me if, I am not doing what is the moral and ethical thing to do, without my values, I am nothing.
Well that is me, but apparently none of those are attractive qualities and I will be alone forever. Honestly, I don't think I mind that.