Living each day confused, scared, lost and alone. There is only so much i I can do to give anything any meaning.
I wake up in the middle of the night every night. Screaming so someone would hear me. Maybe tell me I'm not a complete failure.
It's really tiring seeing the way people look at me, when i tell them I am by myself. Eyes filed with pity do not make this better.
I'm not crazy, I have just gone through so much. I told you, before you came into my life, I'm trying to learn how to trust people and maybe be happy.
I see what I've become, I know I've pushed everyone away. I just do not have it in me to let people get close, maybe play the "getting to know someone" game and have that person leave.
You hold the key to everything in my life. I try everyday to not let you get to me, but I can't. I focus on the bad, and still i can't help but feel this love for you.
I raised myself to where, i would always thank people and let them know when they are good. I just wished i had someone tell me that.
All i hear from you is insults and how i meant nothing and mean less than nothing right now.
I am tired trying to talk it out and explain myself. I work really hard and I'm doing a lot in life, i busted my ass for you and have put a lot on the line for you.
I do feel a lot of pain and anger towards you. I do sincerely wish for you to feel pain or be punished for this.
But karma doesn't exist. You took away the only two people i could talk to. I guess it's for the best. I don't want to chase after people. Clearly no one cares.
I see grown people do things I would never do. People twice my age acting less mature than me. I'm so tired of this.
I hate being smarter and more responsible, nicer and mature than people.
All i ever wanted was to be a family. Have kids and find that one girl who I'd be proud to call my wife.
This year will be my 5th year back here. My 4th birthday alone. Heh (awkward laugh). All i wanted the last two years and this year is for you to come back here and tell me in not the worst person alive, that my life isn't a waste and maybe you're proud of me. And you love me.
But that's not realistic, I'm just a fool dreaming.
I'm not weak, i wish i was. I really do. But I'm tired and just need a hug.
Please come back.